cedar creek reservoir

a weekend spent on a pristine texas lake; boats, beers, fishing and friends. the most fun someone could possibly have, at least that's what i kept telling myself.

and i did enjoy myself; staying up all night surrounded by good people and the most gracious hosts, but my head was somewhere else. my head was in montana. 

as i opted out of most of the fun and festivities that were happening my last night on the lake, my friend and i floated in the darkness of the still water for what seemed like hours. sharing stories of fear and hopefulness, thoughts pouring out he spoke to me about his past experiences and his excitement for me. how this summer is a time for growth, as an individual and as a couple. how things are different and hard and sometimes even heartbreaking when you are apart from someone you deeply care for, but in the end if you spend your time wisely things can end up even better.

i tend to put a lot of weight into words; a song lyric, a sentence from a book, a quote, a remark uttered by someone around me. my whole mindset can be influenced by a powerful line. with the sound of laughter, beers crackin' and questionable country music in the background my friend said to me "the worst thing you can do is sit around just passing the days." that was the line i need to hear because it was exactly what i was doing. 

i actually had to go back and ask him more about what he meant because initially that line can come off as harsh and selfish. "learning how to be present in two places" he said. figuring out how to let someone have a piece of your heart and always keeping them in mind while still enjoying who you're with, where you are, and what you're doing. 

a balancing act; but something i know i can do.

his words actually made me think of two of the most powerful lines i've ever heard in a song. so i'll leave you with those.

"one of these days when you're all alone you're gonna wish your grass would grow"

"one of these days with your eyes wide open you're gonna see your coffin closing."